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I was talking with a friend of mine recently. She has been going through the trials of Job the last few years, and remarked during our conversation, "I could get through this if I just had someone in my life!"
I told her I understood, but upon further reflection, I realized that I don't agree with that sentiment. We must learn to handle whatever life throws at us, with or without someone in our life. The odds of a middle-aged divorced person, male or female, finding a true partner without "settling" are not very good. If one has the support of friends (the second-most misused word in the English language, after love) and family, then they are lucky.
There were a lot of things I liked about the movie Jerry McGuire, but the message of needing someone to make your life complete should not be reinforced by the media. Too many women still think themselves missing a required part of their lives if they do not have a relationship. And I know so many helpless men, who went straight from their mother to a wife, and, after an inevitable divorce, a series of disatrous relationships because they cannot be alone! Again flashing back to the movie, remember the party for Jerry where everyone talked about how he could not be alone? If you see yourself in this, you may want to got to my book reviews page and check out the books by Dr. Laura and John Gray.
The point I am trying to make is that it is OK to be alone. It is far better to learn to enjoy your life as it is, without becoming obsessed with the idea that "I must be in a relationship!" By all means, continue to meet and enjoy the company of new and old friends, but don't make it the center of your life. As Billy Joel put it, "Either way, it's OK to wake up with yourself."
Steve Covey does a great job in his books of discussing why you can't make a relationship the center of your life. In addition to making yourself miserable when between relationships, making anybody the center of your universe will sabotage the relationship - unless they're as screwed up as you are, and then you are really headed for the "hurt locker."
By the way, I am talking from experience as well as book and classroom knowledge. Four years ago, I would have repeated (and probably did!) what my friend said. But, through education and painful experience, I know better. If I'm never in another relationship, that's fine.
I'd like to know your thoughts on the above.
Thanks for reading and good luck.